Exactly one year ago today I was packing my bag to go to Australia for a seminar called Date with Destiny with world renowned author and self-help giant, Tony Robbins. The price tag on this puppy was $10,000. I was fortunate enough to have a friend take me as her plus one during a time when I was at a BIG crossroads in my life. I was not exactly sure what to expect, I have been a fan of his books for years, but I had mixed feelings of going to a seminar about my life for a week. Boy was I in for a treat.
It was 6 full days of self-discovery and reprogramming ideas and limiting beliefs that had followed me my whole life. There are literally no words to describe the experience, but I felt like I had left 34 years of emotional baggage on the floor. There is no comparing to the actual experience and full immersion into this seminar, but I would love to share the lessons that have stuck with me.
Here is a more in-depth explanation for the 3 I mentioned in today’s post…
The Illusion of Security
The quality of my life is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty I can comfortably live with.
This lesson has probably helped me the most since I left Australia and will continue helping me grow as long as I remember its importance. As humans, we are dead set on finding security above all. We will oftentimes sacrifice amazing experiences or opportunities in order to keep our feeling of security/safety intact. For a long time, I had dreamed of being my own boss, starting my own business, but I was addicted to the comfort and security of getting a set paycheck every week. Even after I left, there were days when I wondered if I was just being “crazy”. Should I go back and be a “responsible” adult?
Have you ever encountered one of those once in a lifetime opportunities and let it go because you were too scared to risk comfort? Comfort is what makes us stagnant. It inhibits our growth; it keeps us from evolving. Many people stay at a job they hate for years and years just because they like knowing what they will get every other Friday. What of the dreamers that spend their time daydreaming of being writers, or actors, singers, designers, businessowners but they never actually take the leap to find out what if.
What if there were more out there? What if what you didn’t know is that by staying in your current situation for comfort and security, you were letting the most precious years pass you by to build your dream business, or to apply for your dream job? To take that trip? What if by staying in your comfort zone was actually you sabotaging your dreams?
That is where this phrase comes in. There is no such thing as security. The truth is, as secure as you think your job is, everyone is at risk. Corporate layoffs are more common every time. We no longer have contracts or pensions, so, you could be gone at any time, and in many states, for no reason (research “at will” employment). So the worst part is, we are not stagnant because of actual security, but more so because of the illusion of it.
The quality of our life is directly proportionate to how much uncertainty you can comfortably live with. The more you are willing to risk, the higher the reward. I have an Instagram post saved in my phone. It might be one of my favorite things I have ever read on the internet.
“There are people less qualified than you, doing the things you want to do, simply because they decided to believe in themselves.”
So, next time you are about to turn down a life changing opportunity, experience, think about this. You could just stay in your comfort zone, but is that going to get you closer to the life you dream of? And, how many other people are out there living the lives of their dreams just because they were brave enough to take the leap.
Be Careful With Your Words
The strongest force in the human personality is the need to stay consistent with how you see yourself.
“Whether you think you can, or you can’t, you are right.” Henry Ford
I used to do this… A LOT. Actually, I still do. I catch myself more often, but it is something I will have to work on forever. This lesson is about how we self-sabotage. We have these preconceived notions of who we are? What we are good at. What our weaknesses are. A lot of these are not even true at first, but if we repeat them often enough, you will find they take on a life of their own.
I am always telling everyone how I am a terrible cook. I hate the kitchen. It is not one of my strengths. The truth is, I don’t even know where I got this idea from. I have never even really tried to learn. It’s like I created this belief based on some event years ago, and then I accepted it as true. I do not even know what kind of a cook I am because this belief has kept me from finding out my true potential. What if I had the potential to be the next Master Chef but I never gave myself a chance to find out?
The idea is that whatever we choose to believe about ourselves will eventually become true. And not only that, we will spend the rest of our lives convincing ourselves and trying to find proof that our belief is true.
Conversely, if you tell yourself you are the best business owner out there, or that you are more than capable of taking your idea to the maximum potential and choose to believe it and remind yourself every day, your mind will find a way and proof to make that true.
We need to be careful with our words, especially when in regard to ourselves. If we say something enough times, we will believe it. Let’s choose what we believe wisely.
You are who you think you are
Your identity will either limit you or transform you
This idea kind of refers back to what we discussed in the last section. To elaborate, whatever you believe about yourself will be true. So, sometimes unconsciously, you will either limit yourself or transform yourself just with your words and thoughts.
The point is to create an identity that serves you in a positive way. We are not trying to be delusional here! We all have our faults and shortcomings. We can only benefit from recognizing them and working on them, but the point is not to make them “who we are”. We are not our mistakes. Every mistake increases your chance to make progress. Rather than identify with our mistakes, we should consider them our greatest teachers.
I think that is where the confusion happens. We do not need to identify our shortcomings and our mistakes as part of our identity, we can identify as areas of improvement and valuable life lessons.
The Money Pardox
The last lesson I will discuss on this post is something that I still struggle with. I oscillate back and forth between wanting to save money and YOLO-ing (seriously, is that still a thing kids say?). I have had jobs where I made very good money and every month I would ask myself the same question “where is all the money I made?”. I have always had a weird relationship with it, I am scared to not have any, and yet I can spend it like I am living the trust fund life. I have to be very aware of my spending or it can easily get out of control.
“Once you realize that money can be used to buy time, instead of stuff, your relationship with money permanently changes.”
I wasn’t until I heard this phrase that something clicked. All the things I have tried to learn about saving money, all the books, the advice, it all came together. In my boyfriend’s defense, he has been trying to teach me this for about 6 years. I think the fact that I actually GOT it was a combination of his constant lessons, my personal research, and this one phrase.
Aside from love, I realized that there is nothing more valuable to me than freedom. We have all heard the phrase “money can’t buy love”. It certainly can’t buy health or more time on Earth. This is all true, but you know what it can buy plenty of? Freedom. Money can buy you your time back.
When you spend 8-10 hours a day working on someone else’s dream, you are exchanging money for time. That is essentially the trade off when working for someone else. And there is nothing wrong with that if you are fully happy with what you do. In that case you are getting paid to learn and improve your craft. I was trading time in my life for money. The worst part is, I was so tired from my weekly exchange that by the time I had free time, I spent most of it sitting in front of the TV trying to recharge my energy only to use it up again Monday through Friday.
Once I realized that I was saving my money and using it to buy my freedom back… it became my mission! As I said earlier, these lessons are not a “one and done”. They take time, awareness and practice. I still have times where I am not as smart as I could be with my spending, but I have made a vast improvement. I now know that I choose to save money so I can own my time. And that has also become my biggest motivator to keep making smart investments and choices. I choose freedom, whatever the price.
*If you have not read Rich Dad, Poor Dad, I highly recommend that to anyone who is trying to work towards their freedom,
**There are many other lessons from the 6 full days of work I did at that seminar. I have a full notebook full of treasures. Make sure to sign up for the newsletter for more posts and brand info.
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